There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
