we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
