The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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