so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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