So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize