I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
