I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
