i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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