I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
