I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
