She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your penis caused this!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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