I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
