She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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