Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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