im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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