One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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