dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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