Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Moan for me like Helen Keller
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
