First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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