I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
