i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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