you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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