OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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