I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
