she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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