Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
