wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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