i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
