Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize