i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
