I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
