I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
