Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
