For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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