I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
