forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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