i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
