so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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