They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
