im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
