Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Someone shattered a urinal.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
