Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just tell him i said nine months
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
