i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
