I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
