OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
