so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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