When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
