I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Couch. On fire.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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