Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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