Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize