yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
