my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
