the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
