to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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