I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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