this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I want to be your penis for a week.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
