you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
