Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
