Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
