how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
