the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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