i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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