Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
