why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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