She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
