I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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